| Anxiety, Depression and Relationships Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with anxiety and depression can make them even more challenging. |
Today, 08:41 AM
| ? #1 (permalink) |
| Registered User ?Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 5 | Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we are in our early twenties. He has a friend who he met just before he met me, when we started seeing each other they were not very close. From about 6 months into the relationship i noticed her name quite a bit through social media and in his phone (Not stalking, just noticing over his shoulder). This friendship became quite close towards the one year mark. They saw each other in friendship groups and began to see each other alone. They went for 'drives in his car' and to local fast food outlets other than hanging out in pubs and clubs in groups. I began to notice she contacted him quite a bit through social media and texting. I told him that it bugged me a little she contacted him so often. He palmed it off as no big deal. All of a sudden she was contacting him daily and they were hanging out more than him and i hung out. They even went to the drive ins together!!!! I became very upset at this point and told him this friendship was very uncomfortable for me and was crossing the line in certain aspects. We had a huge fight, he told her and she got angry at me as well. She blocked me from facebook and im still blocked to this day! (She had always been pleasant to me before this btw). She has shown in so many ways that she likes him but he rejects that. I came to the point where i wanted him to not have contact with her at all (yes i know i cant control his friendships etc). We ended up fighting for a few weeks about it and he was willing to make sacrifices for me such as seeing me more etc. I still wasn't happy at this point. He then got to the point where he told her they couldnt be friends, they had a massive fight and didnt speak for 2 months. One night he was bored while i was at work and messaged her to meet up as i found out through a friend. He did not tell me this and lied when i asked him what he did that night. I then became upset because he promised he would do that for me but went back on his word and in turn lied to me. I realised then that i couldnt control what he does and that he has made moderate sacrifices for me so why should i not do it for him? It has been a few moths since then and ive communicated to him that im still upset with how i was treated by both of them. He is reassuring that he is not attracted to her whatsoever and i have nothing to worry about at all. I believe he wouldnt cheat on me because he knows the pain of being cheated on himself. He has morals and respect too which makes me feel a bit better. They are now only hanging out rarely, maybe once a month and im still blocked on facebook by her. I feel now i have much resentment in this relationship but im still very much inlove with him. Im convinced by her actions that she likes him very much and im scared he's emotionally attached to this woman and enjoys the 'attention'. I agree she is unattractive however they get on well and have the same interests. She is saved in his mobile as a guy friends name when i went snooping and he fails to tell me when they hang out. He says so i dont become upset yeah right just to save his arse! He wants his cake and to eat it too? Or am i the irrational and controlling girlfriend? Should i be still worried that he will develop emotional feelings for her? Will she cling onto him forever? |
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Today, 09:59 AM
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| Member ?Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 11,190 | Sunset--dump him STAT. You said they were not close but only grew close WHILE you were having a relationship with him. Going to dinner, drive-ins, drinking together and lying about it to you means they were "dating." Those are the things you do when you are dating someone. Their relationship is completely inappropriate. If she were a better woman she would have totally backed off. Bl-cking you from her FB was a complete and total b*tchy move. She has boundary issues but guess what--so does your "boyfriend." He does not respect you enough to have a mature, committed relationship. Talking daily and texting? Hanging out more than he does with you? (Even if that curtailed since the big fight you had-it's completely inappropriate). You are not happy with the status quo. And you will never trust their relationship. And with good reason. So I say dump him and never have any contact with him again. He is not the one for you. I recently dated a guy who is best friends with his ex girlfriend (who is married!) They speak & text daily, sometimes even while he and I were out on dates they'd be texting! They go to lunch & hang all the time. We had to end it cause that was not going to work for me. I later found out it has caused massive problems in both her marriage and relationships he's had. You are not the weird one. They are. Let her have him. You deserve so much better. Cut this zero and find a hero! Tell him: "Boyfriend--this relationship isn't working for me. We have very different views about relationships and what it means to be in one. Our boundaries are very different. I don't think we should see eachother anymore." If he presses, then yes, explain to him very clearly. (but don't go crazy, be emotionless?the calmer you are, the better, tell him: " I feel your relationship with X is inappropriate and the fact that you've lied to me about things before makes me not want to see you anymore. I want to be with someone who doesn't lie to me." That's it. You don't have to justify anything any further. Dump him and carry on with your life. No contact, ok? You have already spent 2 years (omg) in this fvckery and foolishness so GET OUT NOW so you don't waste any more time!
Last edited by Jellybeans; Today at 10:05 AM. |
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Today, 10:10 AM
| ? #12 (permalink) | |
| Registered User ?Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 5 | Quote:
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